Howdy! Today’s substack is part of a longer series of tools & info on speaking in public, telling your opinion assertiveness & all the related topics.
I get a lot of questions about this topic, so today’s edition will cover the more theoretical part of anxiety versus shyness versus lack of tools to deal with public speaking.
When I say public speaking I don’t mean just presentations in front of hundreds.
I also mean telling your opinion in a meeting or expressing a preference with friends or telling others what you need or want.
What is social anxiety?
If you have ever experienced worry or the tendency to avoid social situations in which the spotlight is on you, you are not alone.
Social anxiety is an emotional disorder that affects about 7% of the world's population. It is considered one of the most widely known and felt negative emotions.
Social anxiety is a state in which one fears that if they expose themselves to a social situation, they will feel embarrassment, fail, and be subject to negative evaluation or mockery.
The scenarios in which one is going to feel embarrassed, mocked, or judged are very powerful and will result in feelings of anxiety, shame, and experiencing physical symptoms, such as sweaty palms, a lump in your throat, tension, and the urge to leave.
Even though most people can see that these thoughts might be unfounded, nevertheless they are felt as quite powerful and usually lead to avoidance.
Is social anxiety the same as shyness?
Although being shy or introverted is usually linked to social anxiety, the two are quite different.
While being shy means that you prefer to take your time to interact with people you don’t know, having social anxiety usually means that you avoid social interactions in a way that affects your daily activities.
For example, a person with shyness can find it difficult to engage in a social situation - such as going to a party or talking to people they just met.
While a person dealing with social anxiety will avoid such interactions completely and will feel high-intensity anxiety, thus isolating themselves.
So, if I fear public speaking, does this mean that I have social anxiety?
Not necessarily. While it is normal for most of us to feel uncomfortable while being exposed to a social situation - especially when evaluation from others is involved, see giving a presentation - not all feelings of worry and urge to avoid are social anxiety.
Why is it so hard for most of us to speak in public?
If you think about it, speaking in public is linked to one of humankind's most basic needs: to feel connected and accepted by others.
Being a part of a group or a “tribe” has enabled us to cooperate, build, innovate, and grow.
Moreover, we depended on each other for food, heat, and nurture.
So in order to ‘not get kicked out of the tribe’ our minds had to make sure that we were getting along with others with thoughts such as: ‘Am I doing enough?’; ‘Are they ok with me?’
So it is only natural that for most of us, being exposed to criticism, failure or judgment is not easy.
In modern times this has translated into feeling uneasy when being exposed to social situations for fear of being rejected, criticized, or judged.
So in the next issue, we will start with Tool 1 of the toolbox to manage your difficulty with public speaking.
Hint: it’s not talking more :))
