Are all negative emotions negative?

And how do you approach your own?

Howdy fellow readers and personal development enthusiasts!

Whatever you are celebrating these weeks, I hope that you take some time for yourself to reflect, walk in nature (yes, even in the rain - it’s good for you), and connect with people, pets, books, whichever you desire.

For today’s substack, I will talk about a touchy-feely subject - emotions.

Now, I know we have a complicated relationship with our (and other’s) emotions, but the gist is that you need them - you need them to function, make decisions, and get on with your life in a sane manner (if you do not want that, well then, skip to the meme at the end and I wish you a pleasant week!)

Emotions are actually predictions - they help you adapt & make sense of the information around you.

I. What do emotions predict anyway?

Well, lots of stuff, but usually how you are supposed to understand and react to a certain situation:

Anxiety: This is a rather tricky one. Anxiety usually signals that something important to you is outside your control. Say your health (that health anxiety), or your self-esteem (that social anxiety); sometimes your performance. 

*And there is a big difference between anxiety as an emotion and anxiety as an emotional disorder. They are called the same but if I feel anxiety in a social situation that does not mean that I meet the criteria for social anxiety disorder.  

Guilt: this is one emotion that so many want to get rid of. It is so loaded with negative affect that we want to control it right away But guilt is an especially helpful emotion. It usually signals that we are doing something wrong, something that is outside your values. If I yell at a co-worker for example and feel guilt, then maybe this signals that this is not the way that I want to behave. Even if he acted as an ass-hole. Removing and controlling guilt will keep me from acting according to what matter to me.

If you want to know more (about what sadness, frustration, and shame predict), check out this article to get yourself acquainted with your moods.

II. How do you approach them?

There is no easy way to say this: you notice and label them.

Yes, you heard that right, granularity is one of the most important skills that you can develop to help you manage your emotions.

Granularity is the ability to recognize and name your emotions or what are you feeling.

Picture this: if you are asked how you feel and just say - “meh, bad” - well, that does tell you much - that can mean, sick, stressed, frustrated, angry, sad.

And all will have different meanings.

But if you say frustrated - aha, then you are on to something - because frustration usually signals an unmet expectation and you can move on to examine that expectation - more on that later.

III. About you:

Handling emotions is never an easy task and I don’t expect you to approach it and master it right away. My goal is to shift your perspective about your moods and maybe the next time you have a difficult moment you go from:

“Ah, shit, this again!” to “Oh, ok, let’s see what this might tell me.”

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