Change your thoughts - change your life?
Think again...
Hello readers, and welcome to another edition of Acertivo’s substack, where I try to simplify and streamline your journey into mental and emotional health.
Today’s topic is about change.
More specifically, changing your thinking.
It is a widespread idea that therapy is about changing the way you think, from a negative and unhelpful perspective to a more positive or helpful one.
That is sometimes true.
For years my method of doing therapy went around Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). This is probably the most widely known and practiced form of therapy.
The gist of it is that most of the emotional disorders or difficulties that a person faces come from a distorted and rigid way of thinking.
Cognitive behaviorists have successfully identified some forms of cognitive distortions that are mostly involved in all major emotional and behavioral difficulties.
If you want to read more on that, just click here.
The intervention in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was what we called “debating” or “disputing” irrational thoughts and forming new and more rational & helpful ways of thinking, that would enable you to reach your goals and get over anxiety, depression, and so on.
I must say before I move further, that CBT was for years the most researched and effective way of treating most emotional disorders and it still is the intervention of choice for many professionals.
Because it works.
I won’t get into its specifics. But the research is there. Changing the way you look at situations, yourself, and others, debating “shoulds” and “musts” is a great way to develop a more flexible and fulfilling mindset.
Now we come to the process of changing your thoughts.
As efficient as CBT may be, sometimes some thoughts just won’t budge. No matter how hard you try to bring rational, functional, logical arguments, they just stay the same.
And I get clients who say that no matter what they do, their minds still tell them that:
They are worthless
They cannot do it
Others will laugh at them
Etc.
So what do you do then? Do you call it quits or do you just keep on debating? But for how long?
The problem with “keep on debating” is that you get stuck in thoughts. As we say - your thoughts start to control your behavior.
Sometimes, the more you debate the more you ponder the thought, and the more you don’t do the moves towards what matters to you.
If you are from Romania then you know the famous Anghel Saligny bridge over the Danube. If you are not from Romania, read about it here.
Briefly, it’s a famous bridge over the Danube connecting two main regions of Romania.
At the time it was built, it was a masterpiece of construction & architecture.
Much like your beliefs, rules, and stories in your mind.
But the bridge is old and has become dangerous to be used by cars & trains.
So we built another one that goes along the old one.
We did not expect the old one to be demolished so that we could build a new one.
What if you did the same with your thoughts, beliefs & rules that do not help you anymore?
What if, instead of waiting for the debate to work and criticizing yourself for not doing enough, you built a new bridge?
Meaning you just do the things that take you toward what matters no matter what your mind tells you?
My mind says that everybody will laugh at me and it’s important to me to make that presentation.
So instead of arguing that no one will laugh or convincing myself that I won’t care, should I just do what matters to that presentation and notice my thoughts at the same time?
I feel fear and my mind says I am too weak to try something new. Like it always said. And, this new thing matters to me - maybe doing something with my kid or partner.
Can I do it even if my mind says I can?
I bet you can!
Take care!