Howdy readers and personal development enthusiasts!
Today’s topic is all about a hard topic: does therapy end?
If yes, how? If not, then wtf? Do you retire when your therapist retires?
The basic answer is YES - it does end.
Not surprisingly, there is little in the academic literature about how therapy ends and when. I say not surprising, because we are more interested in how to make things work in therapy and less in how to end when things go well.
Not because we don’t want to - it’s because we just don’t consider it. :)) We just assume it will end just like the others.
So, unless you are doing some kind of psychodynamic type of therapy - psychoanalysis, analytical therapy, Jungian therapy - where things don’t end (correct me please I am mistaken) then the therapy ends.
And I mean a conscientious ending, not the kind when your client ghosts you (Please don’t do that to your therapist. It really sux.)
When does therapy end?
When the client has reached the goals they have set for therapy.
This can take anywhere from 1 month to 2 years. Depending on the specific goals, if there are any other problems involved, etc.
If you ask therapists, they will have various answers for this:
when the client feels better
when the client functions well
when the client has reached their therapy goals
Notice that all these are not very specific and for a good reason. Feeling better and getting better are two different things for me.
I am going to tell you when I start considering ending therapy. This is just my list, not necessarily the best one or the most complete one:
when the client uses the abilities and strategies discussed in therapy
when they have acquired self-awareness
when their topics in sessions are about how they used their skills and self-awareness to react to difficult contexts and they can notice that.
when they can make plans and follow them to reach their values
when they know that personal development will never end and they can expect negative emotions, thoughts and they are prepared to deal with them
Notice that none of these imply the absence of negative thoughts & feelings.
All the therapy in the world will not relieve you of human negative emotions & thoughts. What good therapy will do is help you create strategies and skills to better understand yourself & others and react to these emotions & feelings.
How does therapy end?
Slowly.
I usually start the conversation with the client about ending the therapy and I schedule a date for the last session.
This does not mean that we will not have any more sessions between now and then, but only that we both have a clear picture of what will come.
The last sessions are all about probing the skills built.
In the end, I usually reserve a session for me and my client to exchange some thoughts about the process and how it transformed or influenced both of us.
At the last session, I usually tell that client what I learned from them, what I wished was different, how that client changed me, or my thoughts on stuff.
Therapy ending like that does not mean that the client can’t come back another time for a few sessions on a different topic or just a refresh on the old topic.
That’s perfectly ok, it just shows that the client has acquired the skill of self-kindness and asking for help when needed.