If you feel it, then it's normal!
and no, you are not crazy!
Howdy readers and welcome back to another season of making your mental health simpler.
Today’s topic comes up often in my psychotherapy session. *Sometimes, half my job is normalizing thoughts & emotions.
“Is it normal that I feel that?”
“Is it normal that I think that?”
Sounds familiar?
“I feel anger towards my child because he won’t eat what I made them. Is that normal, or does it make me a bad mother?”
“I feel guilt when I tell my friends that I need some time alone when they want to go out. Is that normal, or it make me a bad friend?”
“I have the thought that my life would be easier without x, y, and w things that are challenging and hard.
Is that normal, or is it a sign that I don’t want those things?”
My short answer is this:
If you feel it, then it’s normal.
If you think it, then it’s normal.
That does not mean it is helpful. Not always anyway.
The explanation for the short answer sits in the point of emotions.
We have emotions so that we are motivated to act.
Find a person who cannot feel emotions, usually because of an injury, and if you think that’s a good life, think again.
Emotions are responsible for all our actions.
You cannot make decisions without emotions. You cannot act without emotions.
Emotions are predictions about what is important to you.
So if you feel guilt - then that usually signals that you have done something that is against your values.
That does not mean that you should always do stuff to get rid of guilt, but that your job is to understand it and act toward what matters to you.
A negative thought is the same - thoughts and stories in your mind are influenced by so many factors: your diet, your tiredness level, how you slept last night, your menstrual cycle if you’re a woman, and how hungry or hydrated you are.
A thought is just a thought and does not hold any magic powers or meanings (yeah, I’m looking at you, psychoanalysts).
We spend too much time asking ourselves why we think what we think or struggling with guilt shame or anger when we have unwanted thoughts.
Thoughts & emotions are normal. All of them. If they are not helpful, then you can do something about that.
How about instead of making yourself crazy with “Why-am-I-thinking-that-rumination”, you look at your thoughts and emotions with openness & curiosity?
How about you look at yourself with the openness that you would give a new location that you just want to savor and explore?
Take it easy!