Managing expectations - Recognize your interaction style

what we feel says a lot about what we expect from others.

The way you interact with family, friends & colleagues says a lot about your expectations. 

People with rigid expectations from others tend to be on high alert when talking to someone.

They might feel high blood pressure, tightness in their chest, or a lump in their throat.

Sometimes, at work, they might even not ask for help or delegate because they don’t think that others will be there for them. 

So this first tool will help you understand your interaction style when talking with someone.

The interaction style is visible in 3 key components: physical sensations, thoughts & behaviors.

Let’s go:

Try to think about a conversation or an interaction that you had with someone in which you tended to be on alert, where you felt that people failed your expectations. Then try to remember what you felt in your body, what your thoughts were, and how you behaved. 

Physical sensations:

Were there any uncomfortable sensations? Look for tightness in the chest, a lump in the throat, maybe a fainting sensation or you felt that you were more tense than usual.

Thoughts:

Negative thinking is almost always present when having rigid expectations. The most common thoughts include:

• People should always do/behave how I believe it to be normal

• If I think a behavior is normal, then others should think that too

• People should react the same way I would to a certain event.

Behaviors:

Pay attention to how you tend to behave when dealing with a rigid expectation. Common signs are:

• I tend to assume what the other people will think/ tell me and contradict them

• I tend to isolate, refuse communication

• I tend to be aggressive when communicating

Once you have this overview of your interaction style, start to pay attention to what kinds of thoughts, behaviors, or physical sensations you feel when having interactions with colleagues, friends & family.

It may take a while until you get a clear picture, but once you do, then you are more prepared to deal with the rigid expectations.