Managing expectations - setting boundaries @ work

people don't read minds - you tell them what you think :)

Most people with rigid expectations from others believe that if they were to change these thoughts, people would walk all over them.

The alternative to this rigid thinking is creating a set of healthy boundaries and communicating them in a clear manner. 

Boundaries are essentially your needs and your limits expressed to others.

We say that a person has healthy boundaries when they know what their needs are in a certain situation and are able to communicate this. 

For example, a person may set a boundary when it comes to her work schedule - that it is okay for me to work until 6 and I am not okay to work overtime on more than 1 occasion/week.

So, with this boundary in mind, when colleagues or a boss may demand that they work overtime more than twice a week, that person may say: “Unfortunately, I am not comfortable doing this. I prefer to keep my personal time so that I am productive on all the other days.”

How to set boundaries:

Triggers. What are the trigger situations for you? What are the situations in which you most often have negative emotions such as anger, frustration, etc.?

Ex.: being asked to work overtime more than twice a week

Expectations. What are your expectations in those situations: Were they within your control? Were they about other people? Were they realistic? Use tool no 2 to work on this one.

Ex. My expectation is that people respect my personal time. I can also admit that I cannot expect people to always know and be aware of my needs. 

Needs. What would have been important for you in that situation: to have more clarity, to have some time to finish a project before getting into the call, etc. 

Ex.: It is important to me to spend time with my daughter in the evening. This fulfills me and allows me to be more focused at work. 

Communication. Communicate that need in a simple, clear manner. Use the Tools from here (How to navigate difficult conversations) to do that. 

Ex.: “Unfortunately, I am not comfortable doing this. I prefer to keep my personal time so that I am productive on all the other days.”

Once you have a clear set of boundaries, begin to pause for a moment when you enter a conversation and think about what is important to you in this situation and what is within your power to achieve. 

Don’t forget it takes practice, but in the end, it is all worth it.