Managing Expectations - Taking responsibility

What's your influence in a conflict

We don’t usually like to think about it, but conversations are a two-way street!

There are always two people who participate in a discussion, so the assumption that just one of them is responsible for a conflict is rarely true. 

This tool will help you:

• Become more aware of how your way of thinking and behaving may have a contribution to an argument. 

• Allow you to better manage your communication so that you make the most out of an interaction.

Let’s go:

1.     Reflect on a past conflict

Think about the last argument or conflict that you had with someone (it can be personal or professional).

2.     Consider your contribution 

Taking into consideration what you know now about rigid expectations, can you recognize the contribution that you may have had in that conversation? Look for stuff like: 

• You interrupted the other person; 

• You kept your hands crossed at your chest; 

• You did not let the other person express their needs or offer explanations; 

• You fixated on one point and continued to talk about it, even though it wasn’t that important.

3.     Improve future interactions

After identifying these behaviors, try to think about what you can do at the next interaction with that person so that you are more open to what they are saying or feeling. 

Being more open does not mean that you agree with what they did, just that you recognize their right to have a different view, even if it differs from yours. 

Once you have this overview, reflect on your interaction style and think about other situations where you could have done better and what improvements you could have made. 

Remember, in a relationship, it’s not about who’s to blame, but about how you can both build an authentic and productive relationship.