What to do when others are the problem
or how to deal with bad situations
Let’s be fair - sometimes other people are really annoying. Or demanding. Or they really ask so much from us.
Even though we keep telling them that we don’t want stuff or don’t like how they behave, they keep at it as if to spite us or just like they don’t understand.
(*hello relationships with mothers, parents in general, colleagues, etc)
If you are struggling to find a way to convince other people not to do x or to stop doing y - you are not alone. There’s a fight we all struggle with.
But here’s the news. Your struggle is pointless.
You read that right - there is no way you can convince someone of doing something you want.
Or to stop doing something that bothers you.
Or to think in another manner.
Believe me, I’m a therapist - people think I do this for a living. It’s not actually what I do, but we’ll get to that soon.
Only that person can convince themselves to change their behavior. Even though they know it’s wrong for them.
So you call it a day? Not exactly.
Some relationships or situations cannot be left. Or you just don’t want to do that. They matter to you.
In therapy we use the four point approach to deal with situations where other people / situations are the problem.
Option 1. The first is obviously to get out of that situation if you can. Or get out of that relationship. If the situation or the relationship with another person is harming you or causing emotional pain, and you can get out of it, then get out.
Option 2: Stay and learn how to regulate your emotions in that situation or relationship.
If the difficult relationship is with one of your parents and you don’t want or cannot change it, then work to manage & understand the negative emotions and thoughts that appear.
Maybe you can try thinking about their perspective to help you gain a more compassionate view. Or maybe you get the help of a therapist for a change of perspective.
Option 3: Stay and try to see what is your contribution to the bad relationship - situation.
If you have a difficult relationship with a family member or a friend and you always end up yelling or cutting them short when they start with the negative, then maybe change that and see what happens.
In my experience, when you stop fighting another person, you both might have more time& space to solve the problem, rather than proving who’s more right.
Option 4: Try to influence the other person’s behaviour.
This means learning some communication skills, or better negotiating skills or some social skills.
So think about a frustrating interaction that you are having. What can you apply?
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