Howdy readers and Happy Spring!
Hope you are taking it easy this moody beginning of March.
Today’s topic is about our good old friend emotions: why are therapists so obsessed with them and why are they so eager for you to know and feel your emotions?
Well, it’s no secret that emotions rule our world. Look at any decision you made - yes yes, any - and you will find some strong emotional component.
Of course, emotions are not always as we know them to be.
English language makes a difference between emotions & feelings:
Feelings are the internal experiencing of bodily sensations - tension, gut feeling, tingling on your skin etc
Emotions are the culturally structured ones - anger, sadness, guilt, compassion & so on.
So what about emotions? Why are therapists so obsessed with teaching you how to name and feel your emotions? And what does it mean to tune in to your emotions?
Of course, it’s mighty uncomfortable for most people to feel their negative emotions. And weird - why would I wanna do that?
A common example in our work is to think about your emotions as kids in a classroom.
Even if don’t have kids, you can imagine what happens when a bunch of kids are left unattended in a room.
Now imagine that your awareness is like the teacher or a responsible adult.
When the teacher or the adult is not there - then all hell breaks loose. When the adult returns, then the kids settle down.
When you have no awareness, naming, vocabulary, or understanding of your emotions, then they boss you around, mess with you and you are seemingly impotent in managing them.
When the awareness is there, well then they start to behave.
So, without further ado, let’s see what a better awareness of emotions brings you:
For once, you feel more in control. Remember how you think that if you get sad and upset, you will stay that way forever. Well, if you know what emotions you feel and learn how to regulate them, then you don’t have that problem anymore.
Then, you don’t have to be busy all the time so you don’t feel the bad stuff. Remember how you always pick up the phone or watch endless videos, just so you don’t get bored - because God forbid, you cannot stand that? Well, now you don’t have that issue.
You can better connect to people. Especially the ones that matter - remember how you stay upset at your partner or your child, only to realize that you were hungry or just felt angry at someone else and had a small adult tantrum?
You get information about what’s important to you. Anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and shame are all indicators of important areas in our lives. I’ve written about this before - and I encourage you to seek those articles.
You feel the good feelings & emotions - when you cut out the bad and are unaware of those, don’t be fooled into thinking that you will have much access to the positive ones. You will just have access to a big pond of numbness
When therapists ask you about emotions, what they want to get from you is not the worst that a human can feel, but the best that a human can feel. And the best is any kind of emotion.
I am sure it’s not just me, but I feel privileged anytime a client shares his emotions with me or is willing to let me slowly and gently get them out and make them aware of them.
That is true vulnerability and is the bedrock of any good therapeutic relationship and therapy success.
Until next time!