How do you find you values?
and why suffering has a big part in that
Do you know those moments when you feel guilt, anger, and anxiety? As unpleasant as those are, they are a sneak peek into your values.
What?! But I want to get rid of those emotions! I don’t want them.
Well, of course. I know you don’t. Nobody does.
But emotions are information - they tell us important things about what is important in our lives.
And when used correctly they can shed some light on what is important for us.
Let’s take guilt for example. Guilt usually signals that I have done something against my values.
For example, why do you think you feel guilt when you yell at your kid?
Or when you snap at your parents on the phone?
Or when you make a sarcastic comment in a meeting that you instantly regret?
Because all these behaviors are probably against how you want to behave as a person towards these people in these situations.
There lay your values.
I feel guilt when yelling at my kid because I want to be a supportive and good parent.
I feel guilt when snapping at my parents because I value my relationship with my parents.
I feel guilt when making a sarcastic comment because I value being kind.
Being a supportive parent;
Valuing my relationship with my parents;
Being kind - are all values.
Basically, every time you feel hurt, that’s because something important to you has been tickled.
Because we all have stuff that means something to us. We all have values, we just don’t know how to use them and how to uncover them.
We are so used to acting so that bad stuff doesn’t happen - that we don’t think about why we do things.
You don’t yell at your kid because you don’t want to be a bad parent. But how do you want to be?
You work out because you don’t want to get fat. But how do you want to be?
You respond to emails so that people don’t get upset. But how do you want to treat them?
So I am inviting you to think about why are you doing what you are doing. What matters to you in your life?
What kind of person do you want to be?
How do you want to treat others?